Or at least help me figure out where some of me belongs. I've been feeling split, compartmentalized by having two disparate publications, both with a narrow focus. I'm thinking about change...
Love the thought process, Jodi. I'm all about you writing all the things you want to write about any topic at all that appeals to you, the storyteller. The writing in this post is superb. I'm not sure about any of your rebrand titles, so I'm going to abstain for the moment and think about them. The one I like the best today is "All of Me, Why Not Take All of Me." xo
There's so much to comment on in your latest post, but I'm choosing to focus on the old friend you helped in your 20s, who was a teenager at the time. And now she has cancer (maybe, maybe not as you say). I think about this often: the trajectory from something we do to help someone in need that somehow becomes a potential long-tail obligation. Are we not allowed a one-and-done now and then? I'll admit that as I've gotten older, it's easier for me to protect myself from getting embroiled and making further commitments to someone I no longer know as well as I did many years ago. It may seem cold and harsh, and I don't mean it to be, but I sometimes choose to protect myself instead. A similar incident happened to me in grad school with a fellow TA who became pregnant by (you guessed it) a professor, and I drove her to and from the abortion clinic and had her stay in my studio that night (no chicken soup, though). With years and years between incidents, she still needs help, and I can't be that person. Could you be at the end of your rope with your old friend?
We shared a lot of years, adventures, boyfriends and drifted apart for years. When we found each other again, we were both clean and sober. Then one of us wasn't. I am at the end of my rope with old addict friends in general, but having been there, there is still a level of compassion. And I know they can't stop being manipulative if they see an in, the slightest hesitation. It's a survival skill we all developed. Being an addict is a hard life, I don't miss it. And I don't blame her family for abandoning her when they discovered she'd been smoking crack in the same house with her grandchild (different floor, not the same room, but still). But, caring for Mom as she's dying slowly, having watched other friends waste away from cancer, if it's true (and yeah, she made her bed), I don't wish that loneliness on anyone. I stay away for my own mental health. You get it, I know you do. Thanks for seeing that part of the story.❤️🩹
I have to bow, or curtsy... or whatever to you after the detail in your reply (thanks for that). A deeper dive into our seemingly similar relationship ties reveals that they were alike only in the event particulars. But in the history of the relationships, they don't even compare. My ties were based on 15 months of shared experiences: dusty, smelly library stacks, where I was afraid I'd die undiscovered for years, challenges of translating Middle English texts by an author I didn't care about, and frustrations of college students who couldn't write a coherent sentence and didn't care. Hardly similar to the challenges that connected you and your friend--and still do, but from different places (and thank God and your determination for that). --- I suspect you and I still have points of connection, but alas, on this one--not so much! But protecting myself is a real thing for me that I'm trying to do, and perhaps I'm guilty of seeing "opportunity" everywhere. 🙄 Hope you have a good week...
Hi Jodi, it was great to hear your voice. I listen to this one. I feel a very similar dilemma.
In the salty crone and my newsletter on kit want to come together. There are so many aspects to this life, including three children that are very different with many stories and my own personal journey of recovery as well as supporting other people on deep soul healing journeys.
Integration seems to be what happens in the later years. Tying up all the loose ends, one voice, one well lived life.
I don’t know how to do it. There are many rooms in this house. I also don’t get over to your dirty girl publication because of time.
I’m always behind. My hope is to create a structured schedule, dedicated to certain themes. I’m not sure if I’ll still be standing by the time that day comes.
I think it’s important to write whatever the fuck you want .
Your writing is always good.
Thank you for sharing your process. I am listening and learning.
That image speaks to me too, the house with many rooms. Totally understand your dilemma(s) . And relate to the story about your friend. Heartbreaking situation but sometimes one needs to walk away. ❤️
I picked Armadillo on the poll because it’s sticky and original. But I do also like Tough Skin/Soft Heart. —- Lost and Found popped into my head as did Still Here — i think they connected to your dad’s head as well as all the other topics. And I agree with whoever said maybe consider alternating. Like weekends are for Dirty Girl related content and weekdays are Goodbye content- but with a changed umbrella title and freedom to merge and serve. The only reason I don’t read much Dirty Girl is time…cause it’s all so great and deserves its time. Ok two more popped into head (take what you need and leave the rest): Dirty Girl/Tender Heart or Dirty Girl/Dementia Daughter. Ok I’ll stop. Whatever you choose and whatever you write, I’ll read and I’m sure I’m not alone.
There is an armadillo tattoo in my future.🦔 (hedgehog, in place of an armadillo because there are no armadillo emojis. Why are there no armadillo emojis? Who can I talk to about this????)
Personally, I like Unbuttoning the Armadillo, if you don't like All of Me-cause I do-but you gotta go with your gut. Whatever feels like it fits you. Speaks to you.
Mine just kinda came to me (Bedtime Stories) but its nothing like what it sounds like. The other I borrowed from Justin Deming with my Fifty Word Fiction title. I don't write on that one nearly as much, but I should!
Bedtime Stories though, is a nice broad title. All the advice sometimes is so headachy, find your niche, write broader, blah blah blah. I started writing TLG as a way to see if I had a book in it, but the truth is I'm not that interested in putting together a book. Perhaps a collection of essays. Or maybe just this. This makes me happy. And happy is enough. Thanks for the feedback (and personally, I'm all for the Armadillo, which is how I've always pictured myself. Soft, vulnerable underbelly, curling up in a ball of armor when I feel threatened. Pangolin's too, but they're outside most people's attention). 🩷
I really like The Long Goodbye as a name to encapsulate everything because in a way even what you’re writing in the diaries is a sort of long goodbye to your previous self … plus I really like your voice here, it’s got perspective and is kinder to you, it’s on a quest where as the diary girl thinks she knows the end of the story if you get what I mean …. Not keen on the new name suggestions, as they’re not as compelling as The Long Goodbye, is my two cents…. And I have the same problem with my Substack, so, I hear you! You’ve built up a following here and have a strong voice, follow the quest, as you never know what door will open after a death …. That’s the quest …. 😉
Thank you. It is kinder. A lifetime ago, a version of DGD memoir was making the rounds and the general feedback from publishers was "Great story, but I don't care if the narrator lives or dies." Reflecting on that back then, I realized, neither had I. You've given me things to think about. Thank you.
How about "Good Girl/Bad Girl" and then a tag line that includes caregiver and sex worker/drugs? The thing is that TLG is a damn fine title with the kind of tag line (dementia caregiving) that is a HUGE cultural and timely concern for so so so many of us in the
"sandwich generation" etc. How about alternating each Substack: every other week? Because of course there is a book in each story! Can they be combined? In one helluva book/memoir? I think so. I'd read it. xo
I think I'm going to expand TLG and cut back on DGD to once a month or once every three weeks, so it's one post per week. The Daddy stuff and that exploration is going to be a heavy lift and they're tied together so we'll see what happens. Thanks for you support and such BIG CONGRATULATIONS on the book!
Love the thought process, Jodi. I'm all about you writing all the things you want to write about any topic at all that appeals to you, the storyteller. The writing in this post is superb. I'm not sure about any of your rebrand titles, so I'm going to abstain for the moment and think about them. The one I like the best today is "All of Me, Why Not Take All of Me." xo
I think I’m just going the easiest, least disturbance. TLG: dementia caregiving & other stories. That’s enough permission for me. ❤️
There's so much to comment on in your latest post, but I'm choosing to focus on the old friend you helped in your 20s, who was a teenager at the time. And now she has cancer (maybe, maybe not as you say). I think about this often: the trajectory from something we do to help someone in need that somehow becomes a potential long-tail obligation. Are we not allowed a one-and-done now and then? I'll admit that as I've gotten older, it's easier for me to protect myself from getting embroiled and making further commitments to someone I no longer know as well as I did many years ago. It may seem cold and harsh, and I don't mean it to be, but I sometimes choose to protect myself instead. A similar incident happened to me in grad school with a fellow TA who became pregnant by (you guessed it) a professor, and I drove her to and from the abortion clinic and had her stay in my studio that night (no chicken soup, though). With years and years between incidents, she still needs help, and I can't be that person. Could you be at the end of your rope with your old friend?
We shared a lot of years, adventures, boyfriends and drifted apart for years. When we found each other again, we were both clean and sober. Then one of us wasn't. I am at the end of my rope with old addict friends in general, but having been there, there is still a level of compassion. And I know they can't stop being manipulative if they see an in, the slightest hesitation. It's a survival skill we all developed. Being an addict is a hard life, I don't miss it. And I don't blame her family for abandoning her when they discovered she'd been smoking crack in the same house with her grandchild (different floor, not the same room, but still). But, caring for Mom as she's dying slowly, having watched other friends waste away from cancer, if it's true (and yeah, she made her bed), I don't wish that loneliness on anyone. I stay away for my own mental health. You get it, I know you do. Thanks for seeing that part of the story.❤️🩹
I have to bow, or curtsy... or whatever to you after the detail in your reply (thanks for that). A deeper dive into our seemingly similar relationship ties reveals that they were alike only in the event particulars. But in the history of the relationships, they don't even compare. My ties were based on 15 months of shared experiences: dusty, smelly library stacks, where I was afraid I'd die undiscovered for years, challenges of translating Middle English texts by an author I didn't care about, and frustrations of college students who couldn't write a coherent sentence and didn't care. Hardly similar to the challenges that connected you and your friend--and still do, but from different places (and thank God and your determination for that). --- I suspect you and I still have points of connection, but alas, on this one--not so much! But protecting myself is a real thing for me that I'm trying to do, and perhaps I'm guilty of seeing "opportunity" everywhere. 🙄 Hope you have a good week...
Hi Jodi, it was great to hear your voice. I listen to this one. I feel a very similar dilemma.
In the salty crone and my newsletter on kit want to come together. There are so many aspects to this life, including three children that are very different with many stories and my own personal journey of recovery as well as supporting other people on deep soul healing journeys.
Integration seems to be what happens in the later years. Tying up all the loose ends, one voice, one well lived life.
I don’t know how to do it. There are many rooms in this house. I also don’t get over to your dirty girl publication because of time.
I’m always behind. My hope is to create a structured schedule, dedicated to certain themes. I’m not sure if I’ll still be standing by the time that day comes.
I think it’s important to write whatever the fuck you want .
Your writing is always good.
Thank you for sharing your process. I am listening and learning.
I like that idea, a house w many rooms. ❤️
That image speaks to me too, the house with many rooms. Totally understand your dilemma(s) . And relate to the story about your friend. Heartbreaking situation but sometimes one needs to walk away. ❤️
I picked Armadillo on the poll because it’s sticky and original. But I do also like Tough Skin/Soft Heart. —- Lost and Found popped into my head as did Still Here — i think they connected to your dad’s head as well as all the other topics. And I agree with whoever said maybe consider alternating. Like weekends are for Dirty Girl related content and weekdays are Goodbye content- but with a changed umbrella title and freedom to merge and serve. The only reason I don’t read much Dirty Girl is time…cause it’s all so great and deserves its time. Ok two more popped into head (take what you need and leave the rest): Dirty Girl/Tender Heart or Dirty Girl/Dementia Daughter. Ok I’ll stop. Whatever you choose and whatever you write, I’ll read and I’m sure I’m not alone.
❤️ this was supposed to say “swerve” not serve — 😂: a changed umbrella title and freedom to merge and swerve.
Good, I was never a very good server.
There is an armadillo tattoo in my future.🦔 (hedgehog, in place of an armadillo because there are no armadillo emojis. Why are there no armadillo emojis? Who can I talk to about this????)
Great nudges
Rochelle is the bestest
Yes!! I love that you’re diving into this. And I personally like Thick Skin, Soft Heart. It’s you!
Personally, I like Unbuttoning the Armadillo, if you don't like All of Me-cause I do-but you gotta go with your gut. Whatever feels like it fits you. Speaks to you.
Mine just kinda came to me (Bedtime Stories) but its nothing like what it sounds like. The other I borrowed from Justin Deming with my Fifty Word Fiction title. I don't write on that one nearly as much, but I should!
Bedtime Stories though, is a nice broad title. All the advice sometimes is so headachy, find your niche, write broader, blah blah blah. I started writing TLG as a way to see if I had a book in it, but the truth is I'm not that interested in putting together a book. Perhaps a collection of essays. Or maybe just this. This makes me happy. And happy is enough. Thanks for the feedback (and personally, I'm all for the Armadillo, which is how I've always pictured myself. Soft, vulnerable underbelly, curling up in a ball of armor when I feel threatened. Pangolin's too, but they're outside most people's attention). 🩷
I love this piece. The prismed (sp?) view of you. All of you.
I’m not sure you can misspell prismed as you may be the first to use prism as a verb! ❤️
I really like The Long Goodbye as a name to encapsulate everything because in a way even what you’re writing in the diaries is a sort of long goodbye to your previous self … plus I really like your voice here, it’s got perspective and is kinder to you, it’s on a quest where as the diary girl thinks she knows the end of the story if you get what I mean …. Not keen on the new name suggestions, as they’re not as compelling as The Long Goodbye, is my two cents…. And I have the same problem with my Substack, so, I hear you! You’ve built up a following here and have a strong voice, follow the quest, as you never know what door will open after a death …. That’s the quest …. 😉
Thank you. It is kinder. A lifetime ago, a version of DGD memoir was making the rounds and the general feedback from publishers was "Great story, but I don't care if the narrator lives or dies." Reflecting on that back then, I realized, neither had I. You've given me things to think about. Thank you.
How about "Good Girl/Bad Girl" and then a tag line that includes caregiver and sex worker/drugs? The thing is that TLG is a damn fine title with the kind of tag line (dementia caregiving) that is a HUGE cultural and timely concern for so so so many of us in the
"sandwich generation" etc. How about alternating each Substack: every other week? Because of course there is a book in each story! Can they be combined? In one helluva book/memoir? I think so. I'd read it. xo
I think I'm going to expand TLG and cut back on DGD to once a month or once every three weeks, so it's one post per week. The Daddy stuff and that exploration is going to be a heavy lift and they're tied together so we'll see what happens. Thanks for you support and such BIG CONGRATULATIONS on the book!
I have a similar problem trying to integrate the different sides of me. You pick what feels right to you.