The First Health Scare & Love Shows Up When it Shows Up.
originally published: onlythejodi.com June 12, 2009
The Long Goodbye refers to the time between a dementia diagnosis & death. I’ve been caring for Ma since 2008, from mild cognitive impairment to full-blown dementia. Because murder/suicide is frowned upon, I write about trying not to lose my mind as she loses hers, instead.
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Background: They met at the senior center, Ma and her Italian, eyeballing each other in an opera appreciation class. He’d been caring for his wife, who had Alzheimer’s, and when she passed away, it was green lights all the way. She was 79 and not yet showing any signs of dementia, he was 87—there was only so much time left on the clock, but being around each other, years slipped away. She played hard to get; he wooed her with day old doughnuts. They slow danced around each other and the living room. They were inseparable.
She was his second girlfriend, ever.
He was the first man to really love her, ever.
They’d found each other at just the right time.
I’m not going to pretend I wasn’t a little jealous; I was. When my father died, I loved not having compete for her attention, or fade into the background to avoid his anger.
June 12, 2009
I’m tired, so this will be short.
Big Edie called Thursday complaining of fevers, congestion, aches & what sounded a lot like the flu. I convinced her to call her doctor. He agreed to see her the next morning because, at 79, the flu is nothing to sneeze at. She sent the Italian out for some Over The Counter flu meds and next thing I knew he’s calling saying “She’s bad. We need you now, kid.”
Thirty minutes later I’m standing at her bedside. She’s under the covers, looking confused and tired.
There are damp towels all over.
She’d had a seizure. Or passed out. Either way, she’d been gasping for breath, her head flopped back, her eyes rolled around trying to see the inside of her head, unfocused, unaware of her surroundings or his presence, he said. He gave her mouth-to-mouth. She was out for three minutes, disoriented and confused for another ten.
He’d seen his wife go through almost the same thing not too long ago, shortly before she died. He was understandably a little freaked, and he did the right things. He called me. Then he washed her and cleaned her up, put her to bed, kept her warm when she was cold and cooled her down when she was feverish.
I spent then night on the floor next to her bed, close enough to hear her breathe.
We spent today visiting doctors. Her internist. And as of today, she now has a cardiologist, as well (her heart is fine, her lungs, clear).
The Italian slept in the various waiting rooms while we waited. He’s 87, he’s looking after my mother, he’s entitled to nap wherever.
Then off to his cardiologist for an appointment (we all disliked this doctor and took turns making rude faces behind his back). Back in the car, the Italian reminded her, “Buckle up, sweetie.” She turned to me, “Sometimes, I just ignore him.” She was obviously feeling better, she feel asleep as we drove.
I picked up his two new medications and threw out her OTC stuff. Maybe the TheraFlu Extreme Cold caplet wasn’t the culprit, but maybe it was. Tomorrow there are more appointments both medical and veterinary and next week, a neurologist.
By the time I left her and the Italian, her feisty was back full on. She’d whipped through some outstanding condo business, reorganized the shoes in her closet, rested, dumped the recycling. He’d moved furniture (he’s refinishing her table and relocating a ceiling fixture), napped, cleaned her kitchen.
I’d been crabby all week and had really been looking forward to the farm and the beach house for a couple of mood changers. Nothing like a day with goats and a weekend of sleeping in, sand & porch to really put a smile on my face.
Life made other plans for my Friday. Right now, I’m knee-deep in grateful I was only thirty minutes away, that the Italian was there, that what happened may stay a mystery as long as it stays a single event.
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They were so effin cute together. He used to be a Sunday school teacher and she taught him to curse in his 90s. They were inseparable and he treated her like gold. Made me really happy to see that, and see her learn to accept someone who cared that much. 💕
Wow. The still photo made me wish that I knew them both, the video made me feel that I did know them and OH THE TEARS. I'm a mess!!