The conversation I wished we'd had

We talked about everything–except what she wanted me to do when she could no longer make life and death choices for herself.

A few days ago, Victoria Chin of Carer Mentor posed this question: If you could return to the start, what learning/tip would you share with yourself? I didn’t answer, but the question has stayed rattling around in my brain.

I felt like Mom and I had had all the legal and financial conversations before she got bad. We moved money into an irrevocable trust–in case she’d need Medicaid. Durable Power of Attorney, Health Care proxy, updated Will, updated Living Will, DNR, Life Estate for her condo. I was either a beneficiary or a co-signer everywhere. And we’d been having the right to die conversation since I was a kid. As a family, we believed everyone has the right to choose their own time and method. My father, an overweight, sedentary smoker, had wanted to live forever, even with cancer, emphysema, spinal stenosis, sciatica, and seizures. Mom had been amassing a bag pills for years–her Get Out of Life card, her Go Bag.