You and I are sisters from different mothers with dementia. lol
I am not good when I see injustice. I was just telling someone yesterday that I understand many people are afraid to step in, especially women given how clearly our society has made it that they do not care about our safety and in fact want us reminded daily that we are unsafe.
But there are ways to acknowledge what's happening and make your presence known without engaging physically or verbally. There was a couple in an argument outside my apartment late one night where he was getting a little physical. I went out in the front and just stood there watching them making my presence known.
On a train you can make eye contact that says I see what you're doing. I know eye contact can be scary but trust it's energetically something. Most people do what those men did. Look at the ground and act like nothing is happening.
Also would love to be a part of one of your caregiving conversations. You are one of the warriors caring for you mom at home. My brothers and I just put our mom in an assisted living home in January. Her dementia is still mild enough that she is able to be on the more independent floor where she has her own apartment and goes to the dining room for meals. It's such a relief for us because we all live in the States and she is in Canada. Turns out when your mother falls in her non-assisted living apartment and FactTime's you bleeding, calling 911 does not transport you to the local 911 in Canada. *sigh*
My Mom blossomed in assisted living. She was having her best life, safely. I wonder all the time if taking her to live with me after she broke her back was the smartest things. Who knows. That was over 8 years ago. Let’s talk off line about the conversation w caregivers. I’d love that.
You're the bomb. I'm that person on the subway, too. At least I used to be when I lived in NYC. I understand both sides. People are afraid, and it doesn't excuse completely our lack of willingness to step for another human being. But it's scary sometimes. The men? What a surprise. Not. I love that you did that. It's not a surprise, because you a mensch. I love how you dealt with it, engaging as if you knew them. So smart. And I'm very excited about your two new offerings. And gurl, you're such a great photographer. Keep doing that, too. I should talk to you about purchasing a print, if you sell your work. xo
Having grown up surrounded by fields and big water, I did not ride a subway until I was in my mid 20s and as I have gotten older, I've gotten more terrified of them. Bad enough being stuck in a metal tube underground (I've become claustrophobic) but you just don't see the best of humanity down there. You are a hero, and I mean that in a real way. Thank you for being you!
Fields and big water. Those are the things I dream of. But I do love trains. I've been urban exploring down in the Amtrack train tunnels. I thought they were abandoned tracks. Big surprise when the train came barreling through!
Hi Jodi, thank you for stepping in and helping these people. I need to take a course from you on how to navigate and how to help in these scary situations. Also it reminds me of an incident about a year ago. I was walking on Broadway around 98 st when this big tall angry white guy pushed me down on the sidewalk. He was walking towards me and i was trying to sidestep his path but he walked right into me, pushed me down on the ground and then swore at me like it was my fault. I got up as quickly as i could to get away from him but people kept walking by like they couldn’t be bothered. Luckily I didn’t physically have anything worse than scrapes and bruises but it was scary as hell. I ran across the street and stepped inside a cvs to walk around in there and call my partner and calm down before getting on the subway.
That sounds really frightening. And you’re such a small person. People are ass. When I fell and cracked my head (five stitches), blood coming down my face, a guy passed and said, “Are you okay?” I said no, for the first time I admitted I wasn’t okay. I would accept help. He just kept walking. People are ass. Don’t be ass. I’m a much bigger person than you. I have a loud mouth and a lifetime of not thinking about the consequences of my actions (that usually did not go well). I’ve taken a few community workshops in “Upstanding” and deescalating situations. I think they started to crop up after 9/11 when being an Arab or looking Arab was a dangerous thing.
Wow, that’s awful the guy just kept walking when you clearly needed help! Yeah it is harder to consider intervening rather than just getting myself off the train at the next stop, being a small person (not to mention old), but I love the tactic of going up to the girl pretending you knew her. Also- Why can’t these big brawny dudes step in?
It's easy to sit over here and say, “What would Jesus do” if you aren't facing the situation. I'd like to think I would have done just what you did. Hats off to you for stepping in.
I was a caregiver before, to my dad mostly, but also for a lady not in my family -that was a paid position. I'd be happy to provide perspective.
Oh WWJD! I just want people to be nice to each other. I just want a quiet subway ride (hahahahah). So much drama in the world, and in my home life, can't I just listen to a subway mariachi band in peace. Sending love.
Uggh it's so disappointing when people stare elsewhere or only do something after the fact. Good for you, Jodi. I know you probably didn't think twice about stepping in.
I'm fast to respond in a crisis, but not great at de-escalating things.
I could do with some Jodi-isms, "what to do when..."
Oh yeah, that's always my goal. De-escalate. I'm 68, not in the fighting shape I used to be in. So much easier to lower the volume than raise it. I've stepped in or opened my mouth more times than I can count. It'll come back to bite in the ass one day, I'm sure, but I try to do what I wish someone would do for me if I was in that situation, whatever that situation is. I wasn't always like this, though. I've mellowed.
Yes I’m a villager too, 68 as well. Bravo for you! I like your idea how to intervene and try to stop the violence. I will remember that for the future. I would have been more confrontational as an immediate response but that probably wouldn’t have helped nor, I’m sure gotten those self centered individuals sitting there to provide aid either!!
Nothing original in my moves. I've taken what they call "Upstander Training" (vs just being a bystander) and spent time in self-defense classes here or there, marshalling a rally. It's always about de-fuse, bring the calm. Being confrontational in this last situation would have put me in the position of being a judge, deciding who was right and who was wrong. I don't know. Maybe that woman deserved to good smack. Maybe not. This way, nothing was on me, it was just sending them to their respective corners and creating a time-out. But to sit and watch? When there's a child? WTF is wrong with people?
I was working for a social justice nonprofit and friends with a woman who taught self-defense for women for free. It was all around, so I don't remember specifics. I just Googled "Upstander training" and a lot of sites came up. Rather than recommend something I haven't been involved with, Google it and see what's near you or what suits you and your life. Everyone has different gifts and abilities. What works for one may not work for another. Edit: Also called Bystander Intervention
You and I are sisters from different mothers with dementia. lol
I am not good when I see injustice. I was just telling someone yesterday that I understand many people are afraid to step in, especially women given how clearly our society has made it that they do not care about our safety and in fact want us reminded daily that we are unsafe.
But there are ways to acknowledge what's happening and make your presence known without engaging physically or verbally. There was a couple in an argument outside my apartment late one night where he was getting a little physical. I went out in the front and just stood there watching them making my presence known.
On a train you can make eye contact that says I see what you're doing. I know eye contact can be scary but trust it's energetically something. Most people do what those men did. Look at the ground and act like nothing is happening.
Also would love to be a part of one of your caregiving conversations. You are one of the warriors caring for you mom at home. My brothers and I just put our mom in an assisted living home in January. Her dementia is still mild enough that she is able to be on the more independent floor where she has her own apartment and goes to the dining room for meals. It's such a relief for us because we all live in the States and she is in Canada. Turns out when your mother falls in her non-assisted living apartment and FactTime's you bleeding, calling 911 does not transport you to the local 911 in Canada. *sigh*
Thanks for sharing your bravery.
My Mom blossomed in assisted living. She was having her best life, safely. I wonder all the time if taking her to live with me after she broke her back was the smartest things. Who knows. That was over 8 years ago. Let’s talk off line about the conversation w caregivers. I’d love that.
You’re a good egg, Jodi. But you stay safe out there.
“Hard boiled” egg 😉
You're the bomb. I'm that person on the subway, too. At least I used to be when I lived in NYC. I understand both sides. People are afraid, and it doesn't excuse completely our lack of willingness to step for another human being. But it's scary sometimes. The men? What a surprise. Not. I love that you did that. It's not a surprise, because you a mensch. I love how you dealt with it, engaging as if you knew them. So smart. And I'm very excited about your two new offerings. And gurl, you're such a great photographer. Keep doing that, too. I should talk to you about purchasing a print, if you sell your work. xo
Thank you for saving a portion of the village. Maybe one of the “bad guys” will speak up in another place, in another time.
Having grown up surrounded by fields and big water, I did not ride a subway until I was in my mid 20s and as I have gotten older, I've gotten more terrified of them. Bad enough being stuck in a metal tube underground (I've become claustrophobic) but you just don't see the best of humanity down there. You are a hero, and I mean that in a real way. Thank you for being you!
Fields and big water. Those are the things I dream of. But I do love trains. I've been urban exploring down in the Amtrack train tunnels. I thought they were abandoned tracks. Big surprise when the train came barreling through!
Great story from an urban villager. Shame on those who sit silently by.
Thanks Jill!
Hi Jodi, thank you for stepping in and helping these people. I need to take a course from you on how to navigate and how to help in these scary situations. Also it reminds me of an incident about a year ago. I was walking on Broadway around 98 st when this big tall angry white guy pushed me down on the sidewalk. He was walking towards me and i was trying to sidestep his path but he walked right into me, pushed me down on the ground and then swore at me like it was my fault. I got up as quickly as i could to get away from him but people kept walking by like they couldn’t be bothered. Luckily I didn’t physically have anything worse than scrapes and bruises but it was scary as hell. I ran across the street and stepped inside a cvs to walk around in there and call my partner and calm down before getting on the subway.
That sounds really frightening. And you’re such a small person. People are ass. When I fell and cracked my head (five stitches), blood coming down my face, a guy passed and said, “Are you okay?” I said no, for the first time I admitted I wasn’t okay. I would accept help. He just kept walking. People are ass. Don’t be ass. I’m a much bigger person than you. I have a loud mouth and a lifetime of not thinking about the consequences of my actions (that usually did not go well). I’ve taken a few community workshops in “Upstanding” and deescalating situations. I think they started to crop up after 9/11 when being an Arab or looking Arab was a dangerous thing.
Wow, that’s awful the guy just kept walking when you clearly needed help! Yeah it is harder to consider intervening rather than just getting myself off the train at the next stop, being a small person (not to mention old), but I love the tactic of going up to the girl pretending you knew her. Also- Why can’t these big brawny dudes step in?
That's a scary situation, well situation(s).
It's easy to sit over here and say, “What would Jesus do” if you aren't facing the situation. I'd like to think I would have done just what you did. Hats off to you for stepping in.
I was a caregiver before, to my dad mostly, but also for a lady not in my family -that was a paid position. I'd be happy to provide perspective.
Oh WWJD! I just want people to be nice to each other. I just want a quiet subway ride (hahahahah). So much drama in the world, and in my home life, can't I just listen to a subway mariachi band in peace. Sending love.
Uggh it's so disappointing when people stare elsewhere or only do something after the fact. Good for you, Jodi. I know you probably didn't think twice about stepping in.
I'm fast to respond in a crisis, but not great at de-escalating things.
I could do with some Jodi-isms, "what to do when..."
Oh yeah, that's always my goal. De-escalate. I'm 68, not in the fighting shape I used to be in. So much easier to lower the volume than raise it. I've stepped in or opened my mouth more times than I can count. It'll come back to bite in the ass one day, I'm sure, but I try to do what I wish someone would do for me if I was in that situation, whatever that situation is. I wasn't always like this, though. I've mellowed.
Yes I’m a villager too, 68 as well. Bravo for you! I like your idea how to intervene and try to stop the violence. I will remember that for the future. I would have been more confrontational as an immediate response but that probably wouldn’t have helped nor, I’m sure gotten those self centered individuals sitting there to provide aid either!!
Nothing original in my moves. I've taken what they call "Upstander Training" (vs just being a bystander) and spent time in self-defense classes here or there, marshalling a rally. It's always about de-fuse, bring the calm. Being confrontational in this last situation would have put me in the position of being a judge, deciding who was right and who was wrong. I don't know. Maybe that woman deserved to good smack. Maybe not. This way, nothing was on me, it was just sending them to their respective corners and creating a time-out. But to sit and watch? When there's a child? WTF is wrong with people?
Where did you find upstander training ?
I was working for a social justice nonprofit and friends with a woman who taught self-defense for women for free. It was all around, so I don't remember specifics. I just Googled "Upstander training" and a lot of sites came up. Rather than recommend something I haven't been involved with, Google it and see what's near you or what suits you and your life. Everyone has different gifts and abilities. What works for one may not work for another. Edit: Also called Bystander Intervention